An Open Letter to Bill and Melinda Gates

Dear Bill and Melinda:

You must get many letters like this one, most of them of course from cranks. But knowing that you do lots of funding to support worthy, if little known causes, you might want to help with a really deserving, if almost completely unknown and sadly neglected, cause.

Like every member of the worldwide longboard skateboarding community, I have been chased from cineplex parking lots and warned away from shopping centers while attempting to ride those ridiculously short declines. I have noticed however, that the surfaces that seem the best, if not perfect for our activities are this nation’s interstate highways, specifically the smooth, freshly-repaved, three lanes of southbound U.S. I-295 between Exits #32 and #34 in Camden County, New Jersey.

With only the most modest help from one of your many foundations, an annual “Bill and Melinda Gates” International Longboard Skateboard event could be established on that two-mile downhill grade of I-295. The only costs would be those required to close that miniscule stretch of roadway for a single summer Sunday morning. We also would need some additional money for things like insurance and to hold open a rain date, but nothing like the kind of money you’re spending on malaria or illiteracy in the Third World, although they too are probably good causes.

I am up by eleven most mornings, and will be awaiting your call.

Yours in helping make this world a better place,

p.s. Would your friend Warren be interested in this? Is he related to Jimmy? We could do a “Parrothead” tie-in. Always thinking.


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